Momma in Boots

Why Don’t Moms Ask for Help?

“Why didn’t you ask for help?”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“You should have called me.”

Sound familiar?

These are phrases I have heard more times than I can count. Everyone wants to know why I do not ask for help. And recently, every mom I have talked to has admitted she struggles with asking for help.

So why is that? Why do so many of us keep carrying everything alone, even after being told to reach out?

1. We do not want to be let down.

Let’s be honest. Most of us have either offered help or said, “Call me if you need anything.”

But when that phone actually rings and help is needed, sometimes the support is not there.

As a mom, I have been there. I have asked for help and been shut down. That kind of experience makes it hard to ask again. It makes you nervous. It makes you hesitate. Because the truth is, when you are already overwhelmed, being let down feels even heavier.

2. Embarrassment

There is so much mom shaming in this world. It feels like everyone is trying to prove they are parenting better than someone else.

“What was he doing awake by himself?”
“He doesn’t wake you up first?”

Really?

No, Suzy. I do not just let my three-year-old run wild every day and fend for himself.

Maybe if moms were met with less judgment and less condescension when they had a hard day or a parenting mishap, more of us would actually ask for help.

3. Fear

This one is big for me, and some people may think it sounds irrational, but it is valid.

Look at the world we live in. Look at the headlines. I am terrified that other people will not understand my children, especially the ones who need a little more patience, care, and compassion.

I worry that someone will not truly see or accept my Raylan the way our family does. And that fear is enough to keep me from asking for help, even when I need it.

4. Guilt

Mothers carry guilt like it is stitched into our skin.

Guilty for leaving our kids.
Guilty for inconveniencing someone.
Guilty for not being able to handle it all.
Guilty for being tired.
Guilty for needing a break.

Even when we know we cannot do everything alone, guilt still whispers that we should.

5. We do not want to look weak.

There have been many times I have locked myself in the bathroom and cried because I did not want anyone to see me fall apart. I did not want people to think I was not strong enough to be a mom.

That sounds harsh, but it is real.

So many of us have convinced ourselves that asking for help somehow means we are failing. That needing support means we are weak. But the truth is, a lot of us are just carrying too much for too long without enough hands around us.

These are real reasons moms do not call. These are the things driving so many lonely struggles behind closed doors.

So when you see an overwhelmed mom, do not wait for her to ask for help, because she may never say the words.

Instead, step in gently and specifically.

“Let me help you.”
“What do you need?”
“How can I help right now?”

Because the truth is, many moms will never say, “I need help,” even when they desperately do.

Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly.